sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
