also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
