so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
