That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
