your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
