Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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