We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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