I just threw up on my dentist
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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