I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
