Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
