And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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