fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We don't watch enough power rangers
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
