i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
