Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
