Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
