I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize