Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Randomize
