Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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