I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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