is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
