its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
