i don't like sucking hair
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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