I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
