I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
