is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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