I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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