He asked to "fluff my boner.."
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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