i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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