I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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