How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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