Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
