He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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