and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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