Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
