I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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