Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
