omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
