I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
