Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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