Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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