Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
