Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
