I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
