Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
