Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
