i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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