forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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