I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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