My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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