***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
