Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
and you fell through a lawn chair
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
