hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
