haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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