Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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