My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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