I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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