OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
