sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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