Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Randomize
