I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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