My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
